You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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