Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize