It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
