Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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