Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
