i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
