you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
