I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
