Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so let's talk penis.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
