apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
