i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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