i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
