dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
