Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
