I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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