We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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