Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
