You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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