You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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