i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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