Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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