I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
