In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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