His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
