Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
