I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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