He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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