i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
