I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
