I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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