I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
