Swine flu. Run for my life!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
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