he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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