i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
