I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
A bitchslap is in order.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
