im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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