I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
