gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
