ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
