i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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