i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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