You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
