I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
