Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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