Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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