Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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