false alarm. still invincible.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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