Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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