Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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