yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
