Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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