is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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