I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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