he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
