If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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