so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
