dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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