Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
