I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
