so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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