So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
