I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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