god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
