your thong is hanging out like whoa
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌ï¸
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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