Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
