He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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