you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
